You remember this idiom from way back, “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander” means that everyone should be treated equally. It is used when discussing fairness and that all individuals should be treated the same in comparable situations. It’s great in theory until the goose and gander have different needs.
This can be the case when you have a couple who, because one has care needs that require them to move out of the home into a community setting, have vastly different interests or care needs. This scenario is a much easier one to address if let’s say one spouse has profound dementia and requires memory care. It is rare that both would go into a secure memory care environment when only one needs that level of support.
But what if one has very high care needs and finances dictate that it’s only affordable in a community environment and the other is completely independent and wants to remain at home…what then? Should one follow the other or is it time to live in separate places?
This is one of the most challenging placement decisions a family will face because it involves everything from finances to quality of life, good care options and the right to spend one’s remaining years in comfort and dignity. Couples will often be clear with one another what they feel works best for them only to have children object and inject what they think should be done.
Ultimately, good communication, empathy and compassion should be at the forefront of any discussion involving moving together or living apart. What’s “good” for the goose and what’s “good” for the gander may be very different scenarios and honoring each person’s dignity and respecting their individual needs is where true equity comes into play.
